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Alphonse
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Join date : 2007-08-17
Age : 27
Location : Rockwood, Ontario, Canada(that bigger better country to your north if ya dont know)

PostSubject: My Book   Thu Aug 23, 2007 8:48 am

Hey yall I'm starting to right a book. I'll post it by chpater here for everyone to read and tell me how to make it better. Also I'm gonna need some ideas to help. Thats about it stay tuned for the first draft of the prologue
,,V,(^.^)
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Private Church
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Age : 27
Location : New Jersey

PostSubject: Re: My Book   Thu Aug 23, 2007 8:55 am

NICE cant wait to read it ^.^ you should post this on the SOIA forums too

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Alphonse
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Location : Rockwood, Ontario, Canada(that bigger better country to your north if ya dont know)

PostSubject: Re: My Book   Thu Aug 23, 2007 1:40 pm

alright ppl the prologue is kinda graphic so if you have a weak stomach or are pregnant(im looking at you Mike xD) dont read it.

Dante was in Hell; it was the only way to describe it. There was fire everywhere though none of it burned his skin. Dante looked around inside this ring of fire and saw three other people; he recognized all of them but only enough to know that they were either family or close friends. The older boy said something to a beautiful woman, tears silently streaming down her face. The other girl, about Dante's age, was stunning. She was sitting on the floor broken, defeated.

Dante was about to console the girl, but before he could even move a cloaked figure emerged from the flames. The boy stood between the newcomer and Dante and spoke with it. Suddenly he grabbed at his chest, clawing at his shirt as though it were causing him harm. As suddenly as he started the boy stopped, arms limp at his sides. And Dante found out why when his back exploded into a shower of blood, bone and mushy organ. Dante was covered in this man's life giving fluid. The man fell face down and the figure turned and Dante saw its face, but couldnít figure out whom it was or where he'd seen them before. Every time he tried to grab the name from his mind it ran away. Blood slowly trickled down his entire body.

The woman ushered the girl behind her back to try and protect her. The figure started towards the two slowly, taking its time as though it knew it would win. The figure snapped its fingers and the woman fell to the floor dead, blood and liquefied brain leaking out through her perfect nose. The girl cried out but Dante couldn't hear. It seemed that if he stayed perfectly still nothing would happen to him.

Dante looked into the girl's beautiful eyes and saw her looking back at him her eyes full of pain and suffering, despair and hope, but mainly fear and pleading. The figure smiled and said something to the girl and she looked away. She snapped her fingers and there was a blinding flash. When Dante's vision cleared the figure was clutching its arm that hung uselessly at its side. It snapped its fingers and the girl burst into flames. She started to scream, screaming for forgiveness, screaming for it to end, screaming for Dante to help. The flames finally went out and the once beautiful girl lay burned, her skin brown and wrinkled her eyes dried out, her face, oh her beautiful face was contorted in a horrible silent scream.

Dante awoke in a small tent. He realized he was sweating and panting. It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare. He assured himself. He looked over and saw a beautiful girl. Terra, brown hair to her shoulders and the face of an angel. Watching her sleep calmed Dante a little. He walked outside and looked at the lake they had decided to camp at. Dante snapped his fingers and faerie fire danced around him as he walked out onto the lake and sat down crying softly.

After a few minutes Terra came out and sat beside him. "What's wrong Dante?" She asked, her voice soft and tender.
He looked into her blue eyes and saw how concerned she was for him, so he did the best thing he could. "Nothing. Just, uh, just a stomach ache thatís all." He lied.
She looked into his gray eyes for an eternity then kissed him on the cheek and left. Dante sat on the lake watching the sunrise until it was time to start breakfast.


Last edited by on Mon Sep 03, 2007 5:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Private Church
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PostSubject: Re: My Book   Thu Aug 23, 2007 1:50 pm

Greates Prolougue in the history of prolougues. Great Story so far Scott keep it up ^.^

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Master Chick~
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Location : Warrington, PA

PostSubject: Re: My Book   Fri Aug 24, 2007 12:03 pm

very very nice...but i think u need a lil more detail L/

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Ethereal
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Age : 28
Location : somerville TX

PostSubject: Re: My Book   Mon Aug 27, 2007 11:16 pm

umm wtf better than stephen king
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Alphonse
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PostSubject: Re: My Book   Tue Aug 28, 2007 11:15 am

Ethereal wrote:
umm wtf better than stephen king
so does that mean u liked it or not?
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PostSubject: Re: My Book   Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:22 am

looool i like it mines better >.<

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Alphonse
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Location : Rockwood, Ontario, Canada(that bigger better country to your north if ya dont know)

PostSubject: Re: My Book   Sun Sep 02, 2007 5:03 pm

ya well mines just getting started bitz >:O mines gonna be full of twists and turns right to the end and im addopting a new writing technique that is bound to have yall captivated and dying for more until.......the........very..........end!
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PostSubject: Re: My Book   Mon Sep 03, 2007 12:52 pm

OOO

MA

GOOOOSH

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Alphonse
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Location : Rockwood, Ontario, Canada(that bigger better country to your north if ya dont know)

PostSubject: Re: My Book   Wed Sep 19, 2007 6:21 pm

Don't worry everyone I'm almost done writing the first gripping chapter and then all I have to do is type it. I'm really sorry for the delay but with school its been hard to write but im getting it done it should be finished writing this week and typed by next week.
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Alphonse
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Location : Rockwood, Ontario, Canada(that bigger better country to your north if ya dont know)

PostSubject: Re: My Book   Fri Sep 21, 2007 5:02 pm

Bad news guys!!!!! someone spilled coffee all over my only copy of chapter one so now i have a team working on trying to transcribe it this weekend i hope to have the copy finished by monday so i can type it next week. im very sorry for the delay and double post
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Ethereal
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PostSubject: Re: My Book   Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:13 pm

yes i like it.....
but same as vics it was to long so i didnt read it all
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